Tool room humour

[JimmieSParticipant @jimmies]

Many thanks to those kind, thoughtful, folk who have expressed their thoughts before me. May I add my tuppence to this thread?

I was diagnosed with ‘word blindness’ aka ‘dyslexia’ some 75 years ago and still struggle in everyday situations e.g., understanding verbal/written instructions, completing medical/dental forms, reading timetables, etc. There are two common misapprehensions, 1/ dyslexia is caused by poor education and 2/ that practice makes all things possible. Both are wrong. The exact cause of dyslexia is unknown, however it is clear that the ability to link letters and sounds in the brain for people with dyslexia is disturbed and they lack the ability to retain most information relating to their use earlier on in life.

I feel that I am akin to a person with colour blindness. He/she may look at paint charts all their lives and no matter how often a colour is identified does not improve their ability to recognise it at a later date.  Yet they usually attract sympathy, not criticism.

Spell checkers, dictionaries and thesauri are excellent but only work when one has a fair idea of the correct spelling/meaning/context which folk like myself rarely do. And the understandable idea that if ‘we’ read through a text the corrections required will be noticed is wrong. Yes, there are stratifies which makes life a lot easier in many situations but certainly not all.

I am sure few would be critical to a person who was optically blind so why treat the word blind differently? ‘We’ seek neither pity nor compassion, just a little more understanding at times.

(Should anyone be interested, this short piece has taken me 75 minutes to compose in which time others could draft a three page article for Model Engineer. Such is life.)

Jim

[Harry WilkesParticipant @harrywilkes58467]

Know where your coming from Jim, my struggle was in my early years plus being left handed didn’t help,if you have the time keep posting

H

[JimmieS]

On JimmieS Said:

Many thanks to those kind, thoughtful, folk who have expressed their thoughts before me. May I add my tuppence to this thread?

[…]

 

(Should anyone be interested, this short piece has taken me 75 minutes to compose in which time others could draft a three page article for Model Engineer. Such is life.)

Jim

More power to you, Jim … and Harry

You have my respect.

MichaelG.

[noel shelleyParticipant @noelshelley55608]

SOD (Dave ) Said it all – you don’t have to be good, I’m not but being here may make me better ? I’m here for 2 reasons, to offer what knowledge I have to those who may need it and second to learn what I don’t know from those who do !

If spelling or punctuation was what I wanted to learn I would join a literary group.

Ah Well ! Noel.

[BazParticipant @baz89810]

I done my apprenticeship in the tool room of a large engineering company back in the seventies, one of the old machinists retired and under union rules the job was advertised internally. There was only one applicant and he was currently working on the milling section, he got the job and started a couple of weeks later. The foreman gave him a couple of easy jobs to start off and by lunchtime the floor was covered with blue chippings, he was asked if he would do some turning so he got on the Holbrook and again the floor was covered with swarf, massive great strings of the stuff. The foreman could take it no longer, he goes over and has a little word in his ear, “we don’t make coloured swarf in the toolroom”, it took him about a month to slow down to toolroom speed and peace and order was restored. I moved out of the toolroom shortly after and went into the development department and about a year later this chap filled a vacancy in development where he made a beautiful Tich loco and was a founding member of our local model engineering society, he became a very good friend and taught me a lot, we had many laughs about his first weeks in the toolroom, he was used to piece work and thought that everyone worked at that speed.

Apologies for spelling, grammar and punctuation, but at least we are back on the topic of toolroom humour.

[Anonymous]

wow all this over a oneword post which was intended to be irony although only one person understood sorry to those who were genuinely offended and sorry for the righteously indignant who could only erect straw men and knock them down in order to feel superior I’ve frequented these halls in one incarnation or another since day one when DC set it up it used to be good but has gone downhill over the last some odd years this latest incarnation being the worst yet particularly as you can’t even block people which works in both directions its not for me any more so I’ll be going soon we can take the good riddance as read

[JuddyParticipant @juddy]

A few grammar and spelling jokes in the spirit of this thread, feel free the criticise and make yourself happy. I don’t care if these are correct or not as long as it amuses.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Q: What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

A: One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

Q: Why should you never date an apostrophe?

A: They’re too possessive

Q: What do you call Santa’s little helpers?

A: Subordinate clauses

Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and started shouting, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”?

She was having contractions.

A  pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. No joke.

“Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize’. Except at a funeral.”

Q: Which dinosaur knows the most words?

A: A Thesaurus

Q: What happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate?

A: The noun declined.

Never leave alphabet soup on the stove and then go out.

It could spell disaster.

When I was young there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet?

Nobody knew why.

Q: Which word becomes shorter after you add two letters to it?

A: Short

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end.

Q: What should you say to comfort a grammar nazi?

A: “There, their, they’re.”

When I was a kid, my teacher looked my way and said, “Name two pronouns.”

I said, “Who, me?”

I before e… except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbour.

[DalboyParticipant @dalboy]

For those that love to keep using acronyms, this is for you.

Texting for seniors

BFF- Best friend fell

BTW-Bring the wheelchair

TTYL- Talk to you louder

BYOT- Bring your own teeth

LMDO- Laughing my dentures out

FWIW- Forgot where I was

IMHAO- Is my hearing aid on

OMMR- On my massage recliner

ROFLACGU- Rolling on the floor laughing and can’t get up

 

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