Just read this “beginners guide” and laughed a lot!

[mickParticipant @mick65121]

In the early days of my chequred engineering experiences when making tea and sweeping the floor were just about the only practicial skills I was usually asked to demonstrate, one of the tradesmen said he was very busy and would I face off a piece of metal for him, the lathe was set with a tool already to go. Of course I was very happy to oblige and positioned the tool to take the first cut only to see it bend back on itself as soon as it made contact with the bar, mild panic followed untill I realised the whole workshop were enjoying a joke. Of course the tool bit was made of lead!!

[AndyfParticipant @andyf]

Hi David,

I've added a proper attribution, and the link to this site which you suggested. Of course, there's no guarantee this will fend off trouble, but if Magicalia complain, I will remove the page forthwith. Same if I hear from the original author (or his executors), though that's perhaps unlikely after 50-odd years.

I hadn't realised that it was one of a series. As John Stewart says, it might be worth reprinting the lot!

Not sure if any of my projects are worth writing up, and it might mean a bit of work in remaking the really ugly bits and polishing things up for photos. If you think anything is worthy of publication, send me a PM.

Regards,

Andy

[Josh SappParticipant @joshsapp10956]

Had an apprentice draftsman who sent a drawing to the floor calling for a shaft to be drilled to a depth, length wise, the hole to be 7/8 with shaft dia. 5/8. After a brief discussion, with him and the boss, I was told to just get it done. So after a breif amount of time at the lathe I brought the bag of shavings into the bosses office along with the print. Boss sheepishly chuckled and proceeded to call in the the apprentice for a discussion.

[Ady1Participant @ady1]

As a cadet the second mate sent me to the engine room to get a fuse for a deadlight

Even worse…the third engineer had a wee think about it and gave me what he thought I was sent for

[_Paul_Participant @_paul_]

Just to add one to the list…..get me a box of 1/2" holes….

[Clive HartlandParticipant @clivehartland94829]

Lots of lads at the Army College got into trouble and had to attend 'Jankers', Bugle blows and a mad scamper to get in squad and one lad limps to the squad. RD Cpl shouts , 'Whats wrong with you?'

Lad replies, 'I dropped a tappet clearance on my foot'. RD Cpl replies, 'OK you are excused duty'

Lad duly limps back around corner of building and bursts into laughter.

I have also sent lads to the NAAFI to buy 'Beasing rings'. Beasing was the term for using boot polish to shine up the toecaps on the army boots.

Has anyone been sent for a , 'Long wait' ?

Clive.

[Barry QParticipant @barryq]

Hi Clive,

Yes I've had a long wait. In my earlier post on this subject I wrote:- "……had to obtain a bevelled edged chalk line". What I didn't say was the fitter also said "and whilst you're there ask for a long weight" (this is not a spelling error).

This ended up as a 'long wait' at the stores window whilst the store man was actually having a cup of tea with the fitter who first sent me to get these items, no doubt laughing at my expense!

Those were the days!

Barry

Edited By Barry Q on 14/04/2012 10:57:04

[David LittlewoodParticipant @davidlittlewood51847]

Slightly removed from engineering: I went to work in an ICI research lab for a few months before going to university. The lab head tried to send me to the stores for "a box of molecular weights" – his standard try-on for new chaps. To his disappointment I didn't fall for it.

David

Edited By David Littlewood on 14/04/2012 11:15:20

[MetalhackerParticipant @metalhacker]

I realise I have read this before and had an equally embarassing accident because of it! In medical circles ( I am a psychiatrist) we have some equally silly tricks to play on our newbies. A common one is getting a student to ask Sister for a Recumbent Posture, as it was recommended in the past that some medicines were taken in one! The battleaxes of 60's nursing were rarely amused, and the poor students life would be dire from then on. Ah Happy Days!

Andries

[Sub MandrelParticipant @submandrel]

I wonder how many apprentices kinow full well they are being spoofed, and happily enjoy an hour away from the shop floor…?

Neil

[SpringbokParticipant @springbok]

Hi Stub

Have the ME for the TWIMP as you say worthy of a goon show if our moderator gives permission I will show it on this thread

Bob

[DanielParticipant @daniel]

Hello All,

I came across this thread while browsing the dusty recesses of the site.

I thought it deserved bumping back up, for those who may not have seen it.

I haven't laughed so much in ages.

Does anyone know where any other articles by this author are to be found ?

[cParticipant @c]

Edited By c on 10/07/2016 08:26:58

Edited By c on 10/07/2016 08:27:32

[cParticipant @c]

Model Engineer magazine.

Volume Page

106 390

106 812

107 819

109 529

109 678

111 678

113 865

114 160

114 580

114 1042

115 812

117 764

117 814

118 498

119 316

119 701

120 607

121 450

123 636

125 688

[john carruthersParticipant @johncarruthers46255]

After my recent gear cutting experiments I find I have several gears with half teeth if anyone requires them?

[DanielParticipant @daniel]

Thank's C.

[Martin ConnellyParticipant @martinconnelly55370]

We used to have a vapour decreasing plant that was filled with boiling trichloroethane (spelling is possibly wrong). Apprentices were frequently sent to get some in a plastic vending cup. It usually started leaking out about half way back. The plant had to go when ozone depletion in the upper atmosphere started to be a problem.

We also had a new manager in our toolroom with no engineering experience. He took a phone call one day from a department that had just received an new tool. When told the chamfers were missing from part of the tool he went out into the workshop and asked if anyone had them so he could send them on.

Martin

[IanTParticipant @iant]

Mmmn – these things do happen to young newcomers.

The Royal Signals used to maintain the cable connections between Hong Kong Island and Kowloon which ran under the harbour by the Star Ferry. There was a particularly foul (and deep) manhole where it came ashore on the Island. It was occasional practice to induct some poor 'milk-bottle' (e.g. a white knee newbie) by getting the Chinese line crew to place a short length of bright yellow cable into either side of the entry/exit holes at the bottom of this smelly and extremely hot sump.

Someone in Kowloon would then phone the Comms Centre at Central Barracks and announce that there was a "creeping dis" (disconnection) on it's way. The hapless technician was then dispatched with a pair of cable cutters and a "Butt" (portable line phone) and told to await it. It was stressed that absolute timing was essential and the poor lad had to sit down the bottom of the pit listening to the 'countdown' for the slowly approaching 'dis' – he then had to cut the harbour side of the yellow cable, quickly followed by the land side.

Returning to the Comms Centre with the 'creeping dis' safely trapped in the cut cable length – the young technician was greeted loudly by cheering work mates. Generally, only then did the awful truth start to dawn on them…..

I'm sure things like this wouldn't happen in these enlightened days though – would they?

Regards,

IanT

[Geoff TheasbyParticipant @geofftheasby]

Martin,

I caused this one myself many years ago! My Triumph Herald developed a leaking fuel tank, so, in order to drain it prior to removal and repair, I applied a spanner to the drain plug, and when I applied pressure the whole drain pipe twisted out of the tank and dropped a couple of gallons of petrol into the plastic bowl hurriedly placed beneath. Petrol and polythene…? Not only that, but the petrol then began dissolving my Dad's tarmac drive!

Geoff

[Geoff TheasbyParticipant @geofftheasby]

Martin,

I caused this one myself many years ago! My Triumph Herald developed a leaking fuel tank, so, in order to drain it prior to removal and repair, I applied a spanner to the drain plug, and when I applied pressure the whole drain pipe twisted out of the tank and dropped a couple of gallons of petrol into the plastic bowl hurriedly placed beneath. Petrol and polythene…? Not only that, but the petrol then began dissolving my Dad's tarmac drive!

Geoff

[Maurice Cox 1Participant @mauricecox1]

The Mention of Michael Oxley in this thread made me smile. Who can forget his "Why not a computer for Christmas"? It was a lengthy article, very funny! He often included elaborate staged photos in his writings. I also remember a letter from him being published, in which he claimed to have a lathe that was once his grandfathers; it had a 2" centre height and was ,I believe, 17 feet between centres! Originally used for turning pike handles in Woolwich Arsenal. Brilliant!

Maurice

[Neil WyattModerator @neilwyatt]

Posted by Geoff Theasby on 10/07/2016 12:04:30:

Martin,

I caused this one myself many years ago! My Triumph Herald developed a leaking fuel tank, so, in order to drain it prior to removal and repair, I applied a spanner to the drain plug, and when I applied pressure the whole drain pipe twisted out of the tank and dropped a couple of gallons of petrol into the plastic bowl hurriedly placed beneath. Petrol and polythene…? Not only that, but the petrol then began dissolving my Dad's tarmac drive!

Geoff

When my Marina was written off many years ago, I drained the petrol and plugged the fuel pipe with a pencil. A week or two later I came back for a refill, and the pencil had become so flexible it was almost as if it was made of rubber!

[Speedy Builder5Participant @speedybuilder5]

that would have been useful for writing around corners. You used to be able to buy 'flexible pencils' from Ellisons joke factory.
BobH

[RRMBKParticipant @rrmbk]

Our stores only had a counter window and the entrance door was away right at the back . Charlie the store man had one of those hearing aids of the early 60s that were worn in the breast pocket with a cable up to the earpiece and had a thumbwheel volume adjustment.

As apprentices we asked for items in the following manner.:-

1 Proceed to stores window and whisper " give us a new cold chisel Charlie " — Rapid turns on thumbwheel

2 Whisper even quieter same phrase. — More rapid twirling of thumbwheel and tapping of earpiece.

3 Mouth phrase without sound.

4 Run like hell down the corridor with something thrown off the counter following you at great speed and Charlie bellowing obscenities in the background . Charlie used to keep various suitable missiles on the counter , 1" BSW nuts being a favourite I recall.

Gawd help you if you were sent back to stores for something else the same day.!

[Tim StevensParticipant @timstevens64731]

I'm surprised that no-one remembers being sent for 'green oil for the starboard lamp'.

And just in case anyone is interested, I own a metric adjustable spanner. Honest.

Regards, Tim

[Author]

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