Favourite Engineering quotes.

[Involute CurveParticipant @involutecurve]

[Involute CurveParticipant @involutecurve]

Here are a few I've come across….

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. (Unknown)

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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?" (Unknown)

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The most important thing is to keep the most important thing the most important thing. (Unknown)

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A good scientist is a person with original ideas. A good engineer is a person who makes a design that works with as few original ideas as possible. (Unknown)

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and my personal favourite

"Engineering: Combining art & science to create artefacts from dreams". (Henry Petroski)

[Bob MurrayParticipant @bobmurray]

"There comes a time in the life of any project when you have to kill all the engineers and put the darn thing into production."

"Civil engineers build targets. Mechanical engineers build weapons."

"It's a good thing mechanical engineers invented the wheelbarrow. It keeps civil engineers from having to transport dirt in their pockets."

"If you tell an engineer that it can't be done, he WILL do it just to prove you wrong!" (Just like most machinists!)

I'm a recovering engineer doing the twelve steps, but I do backslide on occasion

[Michael GilliganParticipant @michaelgilligan61133]

"If you can't make it right, make it adjustable"

( Anon. )

.

"To invent, you need a good imagination and pile of junk"

( Thomas Edison )

.

"If a job's worth doing, it's worth working-to-death"

( my Dad; in his best Brummie accent, and with just the right note of sarcasm 

.

MichaelG.

Edit: the smiley was just one of those accidental ones … but it works

Edited By Michael Gilligan on 17/09/2014 08:07:20

[Eric CoxParticipant @ericcox50497]

Laws of engineering

Any pipe cut to length will be too short

An electric motor first installed always rotates in the wrong direction

Inter changeable parts won't

Any errors no matter how small add up to cause the maximum damage.

[mickParticipant @mick65121]

After I had been handed a particularly nasty and difficult job to do by the workshop foreman, I said to an older machinist "I must have done something wrong in a pervious incarnation" the sage like reply was "all engineers did something very wrong in their previous incarnation!"

[Neil WyattModerator @neilwyatt]

Good. Cheap. Quick. – Choose one.

Simplificate and add lightness.

If it looks right, it probably is right.

Good engineering solutions look beautiful. Bad ones are often ugly.

Neil

[Brian WoodParticipant @brianwood45127]

The one I like is the General Description of Engineering

" Engineering is all about making holes in metal and then filling those holes with other metal"

I read this somewhere

Brian

[maurice bennieParticipant @mauricebennie99556]

Hi all Measure twice cut once . From my grandfather . He died 70 years ago! and I still follow his rule .

[WALLACEParticipant @wallace]

‘To err is human, to forgive is by design’.

W.

[NJHParticipant @njh]

Old ( and really awful!)

Six munce ugo I koodunt even spel injineer and now I are wun!

[Ian S CParticipant @iansc]

Think three times. Measure twice. Cut once.

Ian S C

[Bill RobleyParticipant @billrobley]

Two rules of life: Constants aren't, Variables won't.

[colin hawesParticipant @colinhawes85982]

The impossible just takes longer. Colin

[John McNamaraParticipant @johnmcnamara74883]

Frank LLoyd Wright the Architect responded complaint about Roof Leaks, that he had not worked on the design hard enough unless there were a few leaks.

This video deals with Wright versus the engineers and the elements.

**LINK**

Regards
John

[Jon GibbsParticipant @jongibbs59756]

An engineer is someone who can make for 10 cents what any fool can make for a dollar.

[Nigel McBurney 1Participant @nigelmcburney1]

comments from a brumagen born toolroom manager who saw sense and came south

" I always thought swarf was blue until I came south"

"too many keyboard engineers nowadays"

[Martin CottrellParticipant @martincottrell21329]

"Time was invented to stop everything happening at once." Anon

" When working at the frontiers of science, you very often discover the inadequacies of your understanding!" I heard this one recently but can't remember who quoted it.

"if it aint broke, don't fix it!" My Dad at various times in my childhood while taking stuff apart to see how it worked.

"Grease is cheaper than bearings." My Grandad after I'd knackered a farm implement having forgotten to grease before using.

"An ounce of lubrication is worth a ton of pressure." Grandad again, also a great nudge nudge wink wink one liner often quoted from my days in the Young Farmers, happy days!

Regards Martin.

[BubbleParticipant @bubble]

"This is fine in practice, but will it work in theory?" (Mechanical Test Engineer)

Jim

[DrDaveParticipant @drdave]

For the Aeronautical Engineers (Quoted by AJ Coombe):

"Crinkle, crinkle, little spar,

Strained beyond the yield point far.

Up above the world so high,

Bits & pieces in the sky"

And a re-take of an old one by an F1 colleague:

"If it looks right, you are not looking hard enough"

[Boiler BriParticipant @boilerbri]

Oh no not on here as well, my inbox gets full of this stuff, not good guys.

Brian

[Flying FiferParticipant @flyingfifer]

"Honest Chief it came away in me hand"

"Its never done that before"

[Bob LambParticipant @boblamb44747]

Not quite sre if all these are politically correct – but never mind someone might find them funny…………

Understanding Engineers – One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

Understanding Engineers – Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be

Understanding Engineers – Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word withhim." He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers – Four ( this one was done earlier)

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers – Five

The graduate with a science degree asks," Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers – Six

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers

believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

SORRY!

[Swarf, Mostly!Participant @swarfmostly]

Advice when I couldn't do what he always seemed to do easily: 'You just have to hold your mouth right'.

Definition of Preventative maintenance: 'Taking the equipment to pieces every 2000 hours to see why it's still working'!

Best regards,

Swarf, Mostly!

[Ady1Participant @ady1]

Aeronautical engineer Sir Sydney Camm said of the TSR-2: "All modern aircraft have four dimensions: span, length, height and politics. TSR-2 simply got the first three right."

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