Christmas Cracker Jokes

[BazyleParticipant @bazyle]

Why is Santa not allowed in his workshop?
Elf and Safety issues.

[BazyleParticipant @bazyle]

Extra points for engineering connection

[Howard LewisParticipant @howardlewis46836]

How does Santa keep his garden free of weeds?

He uses a Hoe, Hoe, Hoe

Merry Christmas and happy New Year to Everyone.

Howard

[duncan webster 1Participant @duncanwebster1]

What do sheep think of Xmas?

Baa humbug

[Bantam BillParticipant @bantambill]

What is Father Christmas’s wife called?

Merry Christmas

[Nicholas FarrParticipant @nicholasfarr14254]

Hi, one I read to other day.

Why can't Penguins fly?

Because they are not tall enough to be pilots.

Regards Nick.

[Nigel Graham 2Participant @nigelgraham2]

Penguins can't fly because they are as non-aerodynamic as Kit-Kats.

.

… I'll get my coat.

.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

[Nick Clarke 3Participant @nickclarke3]

What is Santa's phone number – O O O

[Anonymous]

Heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper that sold his soul to Santa

[Nick Clarke 3Participant @nickclarke3]

What did the mechanical frog say?

Rivet, rivet

[Bryan Cedar 1Participant @bryancedar1]

Which is the most difficult composers work to find in a music shop?

Haydn

[Nick Clarke 3Participant @nickclarke3]

I can count the number of accidents I've had in the workshop on the fingers of one hand.

Two!

[Bryan Cedar 1Participant @bryancedar1]

Posted by Nick Clarke 3 on 25/12/2022 17:29:11:

I can count the number of accidents I've had in the workshop on the fingers of one hand.

Two!

Many a true word spoken in jest.

[HacksawParticipant @hacksaw]

What did the drummer call his daughters ?

Anna one .. Anna two..

[Grindstone CowboyParticipant @grindstonecowboy]

What did the Spanish fireman call his two sons?

Hose A and Hose B

 

Edited By Grindstone Cowboy on 25/12/2022 21:38:11

[BufferParticipant @buffer]

Why was the snow man rummaging around through the vegetables?

He was picking his nose.

[DalboyParticipant @dalboy]

Posted by Nicholas Farr on 25/12/2022 12:03:17:

Hi, one I read to other day.

Why can't Penguins fly?

Because they are not tall enough to be pilots.

Regards Nick.

Ahh but yes they can. My brother inlaw told me when he was serving down on the Falkland islands that they do when they stand on a land mine.

[GeorgineerParticipant @georgineer]

Posted by Nigel Graham 2 on 25/12/2022 14:50:09:

Penguins can't fly because they are as non-aerodynamic as Kit-Kats.

That may not be a handicap. A friend of mine, who was a member of the local model aeroplane club, entered a chuck-glider competition with a brick, to which he had added two stubby wings and a smily face.

He came second, much to the annoyance of the serious competitors.

George

[vintage engineerParticipant @vintageengineer]

Two parrots sitting on a perch. One says to the other "Can you smell fish?"

[lee websterParticipant @leewebster72680]

How many reindeer does Sant have? Two.

Rudolf the red nosed reindeer, who has a very shiney nose. And Olive, the other reindeer.

[lee websterParticipant @leewebster72680]

Oh no! I've spelt Santa wrong. That means no prezzies for me next year, so no need to be a good boy then?

[Michael GilliganParticipant @michaelgilligan61133]

Posted by lee webster on 27/12/2022 08:57:22:

Oh no! I've spelt Santa wrong.

.

If you want to keep bumping your post, Lee … you could also admit to mis-spelling shiny

MichaelG.

[Clive IndiaParticipant @cliveindia]

Dasher and Dancer failed to sell on eBay – they were two deer.

[BazyleParticipant @bazyle]

Couldn't understand Lee's joke but it made me think of another one.

Why does Popeye hate plumbers?
Because they keep putting their pipes into Olives ………

[vic neweyParticipant @vicnewey60017]

I wonder why generations of children saying 'Father Christmas' has now been substituted for Santa just about everywhere these days?

Santa of course refers to Saint Nicholas but if everyone's kids run around saying I want to see Santa then they are actually saying I want to see Saint which makes no sense whatsoever.

[Author]

Posts