Many years ago I worked as an environmental health officer and had responsibility for assessing houses for repairs grants, in other words a bringer of glad tidings and dosh so you'd expect me to get a decent welcome wherever I went. Not so, at one house I was immediately leapt upon by an effing great dane of considerable size and the owner got very snarky when I told him to stop the bloody thing from leaping up at me. I eventually had to tell the ignorant sod to shut the darned thing away while I did my inspection, which he did with considerable ill grace.
I got on with my work and the last area I looked at was the rear roof, which meant going into the back yard. To my disgust I found the yard was literally covered in dog turds, all of which were of the size a huge loose bowelled great dane would produce, and there was barely room to step between them. Becoming more and more annoyed by this whole scenario I quickly completed my inspection and made to leave.
Hang on, thought I, I'm not putting up with this, there's considerable scope for revenge. So, I choose the two largest, freshest turds I could see and carefully trod in both, gathering as much onto the soles of my shows as I could. I then walked back through the house being careful to remove as much sh*te from my shoes as possible, transferring it to the nice light grey shag pile carpet that had clearly recently been installed. By good fortune the owner was outside the front door sucking on a fag so he didn't see the results but I often wonder what he thought when he went back indoors. We never received any complaints about it, not that he had much to complain about, and he didn't get a grant either, so a ruddy good result in my view.