Answering Machine Messages

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Answering Machine Messages

This topic has 13 replies, 13 voices, and was last updated 9 March 2022 at 10:14 by Hopper.

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20 February 2022 at 17:31 #586457
Anonymous
Just going through some really old emails and came across this which I thought could stand another go around.

Anyone know any others?

1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll

leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're

finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why

we're not here. So, leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent

the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my

financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

4. Hi. Now YOU say something.

5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you

can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?

7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave

a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!

8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his

refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to

myself with one of these magnets.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving

messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

10 This is not an answering machine – this is a telepathic

thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name,

your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning

your call.

11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.

Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right

now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our

weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we

probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.

14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the

phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right… real

slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
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20 February 2022 at 17:31 #36761
Anonymous
20 February 2022 at 17:47 #586461
martin perman 1
Participant
@martinperman1
Very good
20 February 2022 at 18:32 #586469
Bill Phinn
Participant
@billphinn90025
Only number 5 would induce me to want to actually leave a message.
20 February 2022 at 18:43 #586470
Former Member
Participant
@formermember12892
[This posting has been removed]
21 February 2022 at 18:21 #586634
Martin Kyte
Participant
@martinkyte99762
As a nod to the internet of things I like:-

"I'm sorry the Answer Phone is unavailable at the moment, this is the Toaster"

;O)

Martin
21 February 2022 at 19:02 #586644
bernard towers
Participant
@bernardtowers37738
Peter. 15 pieces of magic which one shall I choose?
21 February 2022 at 19:40 #586649
Rob McSweeney
Participant
@robmcsweeney81205
Before I discovered that you can phone customer services and have the answerphone disabled, mine was – " I do not use this answerphone, please try again later, or contact me by text, email or post."
21 February 2022 at 19:40 #586650
Richard Millington
Participant
@richardmillington63972
Many years ago we used to have:

"Are we in or are we out, if you don't leave a message you'll never find out"

Now we just have the std:

"This is and answering machine"
22 February 2022 at 08:28 #586692
Danny M2Z
Participant
@dannym2z
"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes to my life. Please lave a message after the beep.
If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."
23 February 2022 at 16:44 #586927
Peter Molyneux
Participant
@petermolyneux97867
Your message is very important to us…Yeah Right!
9 March 2022 at 00:07 #588835
peter smith 5
Participant
@petersmith5
Trying to buy a lathe 40 odd years ago via exchange and mart – compulsory reading in those days, I rang the London number to be greeted by a rather posh voice – it was Chelsea – and the message was a very apologetic

“ I am so sorry that I am not here to answer your call, but if you leave your name and number I promise you faithfully that I will get back to just as soon as I can”.

if you want my good lady wife …..the f******old cows owt” in a broad cockney accent . Had to ring twice as wife did not believe me.
9 March 2022 at 10:08 #588863
Circlip
Participant
@circlip
My machine answered with the reply "Hello" and a three or four second delay to allow t'other end to start rabbiting. After this pause, the recording then stated "Stop, you are speaking to a machine" followed by the usual name rank serial number telephone number drivel.

Regards Ian.
9 March 2022 at 10:14 #588865
Hopper
Participant
@hopper
Posted by Peter Molyneux on 23/02/2022 16:44:24:

Your message is very important to us…Yeah Right!

Yeah, "We value your call". But not enough to hire someone to answer it.
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